1 october, 2010
a year ago today i left san francisco. i celebrated that occasion by freaking out when i realized that sometime last night, while i was making dinner for everyone, someone snuck into the squat and stole a bunch of my shit, including my broken laptop, my digital camera, my wallet and my goddamn electric toothbrush.
hubert tried to make me feel better by saying that the only things i seemed to care about were the sentimental things – pictures in the wallet i made by hand, photos on the camera, bits of paper that reminded me of friends – and that’s ok because sentiment is bullshit.
i know what he was getting at but it sure didn’t make me feel any better.
there was a really good picture of brendan and i as i was getting ready to leave paris, and all the pictures i’ve taken since my arrival in wrocław, the most recent of a couch floating in the river. there was the photo booth photo of phil and i – my favorite. it’s scanned and backed up all over the place but that was the original. the 21 jumpstreet card he gave me – peter deluise in the ugliest tuxedo ever, the caption reading something like “ready for a night out on the town!” there’s the wrocław public library card i just got, which i’m sure is replaceable, but it felt like a victory to have it at all and i’m fighting the feeling that they’ve taken my victory away from me.
this is the second laptop i’ve had stolen, the second wallet, the second digital camera. they left my crappy cell phone, but i’ve already had two of them stolen so that’s ok. and they left my film camera thankfully, obviously erroneously thinking that it wasn’t worth as much as the digital camera when really it’s worth four times as much.
i’m glad i didn’t bring my video camera to paris, because then i would have had it here and they probably would have taken that, too. for the first time i’m thankful that some of my stuff is still at sara’s house in dessau.
the funny thing is the way i’ve been sensing this was going to happen – talking to brendan about how i was freaking out that my pictures weren’t backed up, extra paranoid about my wallet on the tram, constantly checking to see if my laptop was hidden in its hidey-hole behind all my crap. and then i was moving, so all my stuff was pulled out and spread out everywhere. and then i had to make dinner for everyone and i was nervous about it, and also hungry, so i came home from work, changed my clothes, threw my stuff down and went up to the kitchen, not following my usual guidelines of keeping my wallet and camera with me at all times.
at one point in the night, when the vodka was flowing freely, i thought, “i need to take a picture of this” and reached down into my bag. then i realized the bag i had with me in the kitchen was not the right one – i had the one i had put all the food for dinner in, my messenger bag, not my usual little shoulder bag i carry everywhere. i thought about going down to get my camera and decided i was too lazy.
there are three possibilities – i would have saved my camera from theft, i would have caught the perpetrator in the act or i would have discovered the missing stuff and ruined what was actually a really good time.i’m almost positive it would have been the latter, and i’m glad i didn’t make the discovery until the next morning. it was almost like i knew and didn’t want to face it. for example, i drunkenly fell into bed at the end of the night, consciously deciding not to brush my teeth, a decision that kept me from realizing my toothbrush was gone,which would have led to other discoveries.
my $20 emergency stash is gone, the last of the american money i brought with me. i kept it in my house until i went traveling, then i put it in my wallet. wheels’ old business card is gone, the handmade one with the image of the woman with the gun and the quote that i can’t remember.
sigh.
fuck.
last time my wallet was stolen was in seattle. someone that i worked with took it from my locker, throwing all the other things in my bag all over the floor, including the flyer i was making for my brother’s band. it was found the next day on the bus, but since my license was still from massachusetts, they sent a notice to my mother’s address. i didn’t know for almost a week that my treasured keepsakes in the wallet were safe. the only thing missing was the $3 i had in there. ha ha, not even worth the effort of tipping my shit all over the floor.
here i have no reason to think i’ll get my wallet back. they took my backpack, which had the computer in it – i’m sure they just threw everything in there and took off on the two bikes they stole from the yeard. the things they can’t use will probably be dumped somewhere far away from here – and if someone finds the wallet will they go through the trouble of notifying the embassy some american’s fricking handmade goddamn wallet was found in a bush by the side of the road?
no.
but who wants to dwell? not me. today i also moved into my home for the next 6 months, which is not ideal but is a room where i can close the door against the world and read and write and get some privacy for the first time in months. i can also try to get on with my housemates, who are both students and both live in the living room. but i unpacked today, and after 3 months of living out of various suitcases, it felt divine. perhaps i will find i get along with these boys really well. perhaps not. but at least i have friends here now, and i can always hide at crk if need be.
ok, whatever, let’s see what happens.
